Thursday, January 28, 2016

In some ways we are different...

Do you have people in your life that you have nothing in common with?  Maybe you're related to them, maybe you married into their family, maybe they married into yours, but at some point I think we all meet that person that is fundamentally different than us.  And if you're lucky/cursed/a human being, you may even be related to them.  I had lunch with "my" person today.

What's interesting is that, on the surface, we should get along fine.  She's a lot like my own sister in personality type, we grew up in very similar households, have the same level of academic achievement, same religious beliefs, etc.  But somehow we still approach life from totally different perspectives.  I don't know if I'll ever understand her, but I'm working on how to better handle our interactions.  Because it seems like we can't go 2 months without somehow ruffling each other's feathers.

See, she's much better at a lot of stuff than I am.  She's a phenomenal housekeeper, very organized, and kinda fearless, in a bold-as-brass-balls kinda way.  I'm (if I may)...

holy crap...I'm really struggling to come up with things I'm better at than her, other than "nicer" or "more gentle".  Maybe this is part of why I struggle with her.  I lose sight of who I am when I'm with her. Huh...I'll have to ponder that.

Ok, so besides maybe more easy-going, I'm a better critical thinker.  I like to be informed about my decisions and do my research.  Which, honestly, is part of why my house isn't terribly clean.  I'm researching stuff for my family's health, and then doing the off the beaten path stuff I learn about (chiropractor for my infant, anyone?).

I'm comfortable with my decisions. Sure, I'm trying to keep a better house, but my husband is fed well and my children are learning and growing together.  I'm more focused on teaching them cooperation and empathy than reading and math (they're barely preschool aged).  I don't doubt my choices and focus until I'm around her.

We judge each other really harshly, she and I.  Not in so may words, but in looks and rolled eyes and whispers to our spouses.  I've got to find a way to offer her the GRACE I'm called to.  So, today, I'm taking a page from my mother's book.  She told me once that when she had trouble getting along with someone who was her polar opposite, she just prayed for them.  Not for her relationship with them, or for them to change; she prayed for THEM.

I'm praying that she'll have a good day today.
That she'll find peace and fulfillment in her endeavors.
That she'll have a nice, relaxed evening with her husband.
That she'll stay warm enough in this icky cold rain.
That the joy of the Lord with surround her.

Trying to leave myself out of takes a conscious effort.  Lord, keep me focused on her well-being and not what you're teaching me.  There'll be time for that later.  I need to step out of myself and focus totally on another human being.  Bless her today.

Also, thank You for a wise mother.  =)

How do you deal with people you differ from?  Any ideas for keeping the peace?

Friday, January 8, 2016

Guilt on Parade

Maybe this is a little weird, but I'm starting to try and keep track of my emotions and how they fluctuate throughout my...erm...cycle.  TMI?  Sorry not sorry.  I'm blogging for myself, remember?

Background: after the birth of W I started "charting" my monthly cycle to keep track of fertility, avoid pregnancy, blah blah blah.  But as I've learned and read more about this, my perspective on my emotional health is starting to shift.  You see, for men it's normal to have a pretty steady emotional state from one day to the next.  This is how they're designed.  Women aren't like that. (Duh.)  Our hormones and therefore emotions fluctuate wildly, so why do we fight this process?  Surely there's some purpose to it, right?  I don't really know but it's something I've been pondering lately.

Anyway, today was cycle day 2 (aka, I started my period yesterday), and I've had a guilty day.  Everything makes me feel, just, guilty.  I'm not treating my kids right, not paying them enough attention, not appreciating these moments in their lives.  I'm poisoning them with antibiotics (ear infections, yo.) and not giving them probiotics to counteract.  Not sticking to a good morning/evening routine each day.  Not making them drink water instead of juice.  Not getting them outside to play everyday.  But mostly it's the guilt of not appreciated them.

I know that these moments are fleeting.  C'mon, I'm their mom.  I see them growing up.  And it's not like they aren't freaking adorable, because they are.  They totally are.  But they are also in a super needy place right now and it wears thin.  W's tummy is upset by the antibiotics so he has started just screaming when he wants to be comforted.  High pitched's awesome.  The girls talk uninterrupted, relentlessly, and non-stop, all. day. long.  E makes demands, regardless of whether or not I'm working to fulfill another demand at the moment.  And she doesn't stop asking until she's threatened with discipline.  And A asks questions about everything she sees, hears, or thinks.  Yes, sometimes these questions are hilarious:

Mommy, why do dogs poop?

Mommy, can you teach me to soar like an eagle?

Mommy, why can't we walk in neighbors' yards?

Mommy, why did God make me sick?  (Actually this one was equal parts pitiful and adorable.  "Sweetie, God didn't make you sick.  Sometimes God lets us get sick so we slow down and rest.")

Cute, right?  But you can imagine how it would wear thin after a while.  So I end up getting frustrated with them while I'm around them, and later on remember how adorable they actually are and feel so miserable because I was short-tempered in the moment.  Tell me I'm not alone.

I KNOW I could be doing more as a Mom.  I'm guilty of paying too much attention to my phone or trying to run around getting *my* to-do list completed that I miss out on moments to just play with them.  But at the same time, being a SAHM is lonely work, and I crave adult interaction, even if it's just via Facebook.  And at some point the laundry has to get done, in spite of the coloring pages and play-doh.  I just...don't want to look back on these years with regret.  Is that too much to ask?

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Blogging Again

Hello, world!  I've decided to take up blogging again, but this time it's for me.  I likely won't be posting the things I write to the Book of Faces, Pin-mania, or any such social media.  This time, writing is to be an outlet for me.  I need it...things have gotten crazy since I last checked in here...

Hubs and I now have 3 kids, aged 3 and under.  (!)  We're crazy busy, what with the hubster opening his own business (in retail) and all the stresses/financial hurdles/time constraints that go with that, not to mention living within 20 minutes of ALL of our immediate family, and trying to navigate home-town life when you haven't actually lived here for 10 years or so. 

Not that it's all bad, we are in fact, within 20 minutes of all of our family! That means no crazy long road trips and help with the kids! Woot!  Plus we have a great church that we're trying to actually participate in, and I've made some awesome mommy friends here.  One of whom I met while grocery shopping at Aldi, but that's another story for another day.

Our kids are amazing too.  A is, like, crazy responsible for a 3 year old.  She takes spectacular care of her siblings and really desires to please us.  She is 110% girl, all the time.
Meanwhile, E is wild and crazy, loves to tear through the house and make messes, pick on everyone, and generally act the fool.  She makes us laugh every. single. day.
W is the apple of our eye.  What would you expect from the a: first boy, b: last male to carry on the family name, and c: bearer of his father's, grandfather's and great-grandfather's name?  (He's the fourth in case you lost track there.)  

Some days we feel really old and wise, other days we feel like we have no effing clue what we're doing.  So...we fake it.  All parents are faking it.  Just ask your Mom.  Go ahead, I'll wait.

...While you make that phone call I'm gonna go clean my house.  Hubs' college roommate/best friend/long lost brother is coming tomorrow and my family has been fighting the flu for a month.  In case you DON'T have 3 young children and a husband who works crazy hours, let me paint you a picture.  Imagine 3 weeks of your laundry and dishes piled up.  Now triple that.  Now cover the floor with piles of Christmas presents.  Now add 2 dogs.  That's pretty much where I'm at. So yeah, I'm gonna go get on that.

I'm working on a clever sign-off line.  Stay tuned.  Er...Good night?  Meh...I'll come up with something.

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