Do you have people in your life that you have nothing in common with? Maybe you're related to them, maybe you married into their family, maybe they married into yours, but at some point I think we all meet that person that is fundamentally different than us. And if you're lucky/cursed/a human being, you may even be related to them. I had lunch with "my" person today.
What's interesting is that, on the surface, we should get along fine. She's a lot like my own sister in personality type, we grew up in very similar households, have the same level of academic achievement, same religious beliefs, etc. But somehow we still approach life from totally different perspectives. I don't know if I'll ever understand her, but I'm working on how to better handle our interactions. Because it seems like we can't go 2 months without somehow ruffling each other's feathers.
See, she's much better at a lot of stuff than I am. She's a phenomenal housekeeper, very organized, and kinda fearless, in a bold-as-brass-balls kinda way. I'm (if I may)...
holy crap...I'm really struggling to come up with things I'm better at than her, other than "nicer" or "more gentle". Maybe this is part of why I struggle with her. I lose sight of who I am when I'm with her. Huh...I'll have to ponder that.
Ok, so besides maybe more easy-going, I'm a better critical thinker. I like to be informed about my decisions and do my research. Which, honestly, is part of why my house isn't terribly clean. I'm researching stuff for my family's health, and then doing the off the beaten path stuff I learn about (chiropractor for my infant, anyone?).
I'm comfortable with my decisions. Sure, I'm trying to keep a better house, but my husband is fed well and my children are learning and growing together. I'm more focused on teaching them cooperation and empathy than reading and math (they're barely preschool aged). I don't doubt my choices and focus until I'm around her.
We judge each other really harshly, she and I. Not in so may words, but in looks and rolled eyes and whispers to our spouses. I've got to find a way to offer her the GRACE I'm called to. So, today, I'm taking a page from my mother's book. She told me once that when she had trouble getting along with someone who was her polar opposite, she just prayed for them. Not for her relationship with them, or for them to change; she prayed for THEM.
I'm praying that she'll have a good day today.
That she'll find peace and fulfillment in her endeavors.
That she'll have a nice, relaxed evening with her husband.
That she'll stay warm enough in this icky cold rain.
That the joy of the Lord with surround her.
Trying to leave myself out of it..it takes a conscious effort. Lord, keep me focused on her well-being and not what you're teaching me. There'll be time for that later. I need to step out of myself and focus totally on another human being. Bless her today.
Also, thank You for a wise mother. =)
How do you deal with people you differ from? Any ideas for keeping the peace?
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Friday, January 8, 2016
Guilt on Parade
Maybe this is a little weird, but I'm starting to try and keep track of my emotions and how they fluctuate throughout my...erm...cycle. TMI? Sorry not sorry. I'm blogging for myself, remember?
Background: after the birth of W I started "charting" my monthly cycle to keep track of fertility, avoid pregnancy, blah blah blah. But as I've learned and read more about this, my perspective on my emotional health is starting to shift. You see, for men it's normal to have a pretty steady emotional state from one day to the next. This is how they're designed. Women aren't like that. (Duh.) Our hormones and therefore emotions fluctuate wildly, so why do we fight this process? Surely there's some purpose to it, right? I don't really know but it's something I've been pondering lately.
Anyway, today was cycle day 2 (aka, I started my period yesterday), and I've had a guilty day. Everything makes me feel, just, guilty. I'm not treating my kids right, not paying them enough attention, not appreciating these moments in their lives. I'm poisoning them with antibiotics (ear infections, yo.) and not giving them probiotics to counteract. Not sticking to a good morning/evening routine each day. Not making them drink water instead of juice. Not getting them outside to play everyday. But mostly it's the guilt of not appreciated them.
I know that these moments are fleeting. C'mon, I'm their mom. I see them growing up. And it's not like they aren't freaking adorable, because they are. They totally are. But they are also in a super needy place right now and it wears thin. W's tummy is upset by the antibiotics so he has started just screaming when he wants to be comforted. High pitched squeals...it's awesome. The girls talk uninterrupted, relentlessly, and non-stop, all. day. long. E makes demands, regardless of whether or not I'm working to fulfill another demand at the moment. And she doesn't stop asking until she's threatened with discipline. And A asks questions about everything she sees, hears, or thinks. Yes, sometimes these questions are hilarious:
Mommy, why do dogs poop?
Mommy, can you teach me to soar like an eagle?
Mommy, why can't we walk in neighbors' yards?
Mommy, why did God make me sick? (Actually this one was equal parts pitiful and adorable. "Sweetie, God didn't make you sick. Sometimes God lets us get sick so we slow down and rest.")
Cute, right? But you can imagine how it would wear thin after a while. So I end up getting frustrated with them while I'm around them, and later on remember how adorable they actually are and feel so miserable because I was short-tempered in the moment. Tell me I'm not alone.
I KNOW I could be doing more as a Mom. I'm guilty of paying too much attention to my phone or trying to run around getting *my* to-do list completed that I miss out on moments to just play with them. But at the same time, being a SAHM is lonely work, and I crave adult interaction, even if it's just via Facebook. And at some point the laundry has to get done, in spite of the coloring pages and play-doh. I just...don't want to look back on these years with regret. Is that too much to ask?
Background: after the birth of W I started "charting" my monthly cycle to keep track of fertility, avoid pregnancy, blah blah blah. But as I've learned and read more about this, my perspective on my emotional health is starting to shift. You see, for men it's normal to have a pretty steady emotional state from one day to the next. This is how they're designed. Women aren't like that. (Duh.) Our hormones and therefore emotions fluctuate wildly, so why do we fight this process? Surely there's some purpose to it, right? I don't really know but it's something I've been pondering lately.
Anyway, today was cycle day 2 (aka, I started my period yesterday), and I've had a guilty day. Everything makes me feel, just, guilty. I'm not treating my kids right, not paying them enough attention, not appreciating these moments in their lives. I'm poisoning them with antibiotics (ear infections, yo.) and not giving them probiotics to counteract. Not sticking to a good morning/evening routine each day. Not making them drink water instead of juice. Not getting them outside to play everyday. But mostly it's the guilt of not appreciated them.
I know that these moments are fleeting. C'mon, I'm their mom. I see them growing up. And it's not like they aren't freaking adorable, because they are. They totally are. But they are also in a super needy place right now and it wears thin. W's tummy is upset by the antibiotics so he has started just screaming when he wants to be comforted. High pitched squeals...it's awesome. The girls talk uninterrupted, relentlessly, and non-stop, all. day. long. E makes demands, regardless of whether or not I'm working to fulfill another demand at the moment. And she doesn't stop asking until she's threatened with discipline. And A asks questions about everything she sees, hears, or thinks. Yes, sometimes these questions are hilarious:
Mommy, why do dogs poop?
Mommy, can you teach me to soar like an eagle?
Mommy, why can't we walk in neighbors' yards?
Mommy, why did God make me sick? (Actually this one was equal parts pitiful and adorable. "Sweetie, God didn't make you sick. Sometimes God lets us get sick so we slow down and rest.")
Cute, right? But you can imagine how it would wear thin after a while. So I end up getting frustrated with them while I'm around them, and later on remember how adorable they actually are and feel so miserable because I was short-tempered in the moment. Tell me I'm not alone.
I KNOW I could be doing more as a Mom. I'm guilty of paying too much attention to my phone or trying to run around getting *my* to-do list completed that I miss out on moments to just play with them. But at the same time, being a SAHM is lonely work, and I crave adult interaction, even if it's just via Facebook. And at some point the laundry has to get done, in spite of the coloring pages and play-doh. I just...don't want to look back on these years with regret. Is that too much to ask?
Saturday, January 2, 2016
Blogging Again
Hello, world! I've decided to take up blogging again, but this time it's for me. I likely won't be posting the things I write to the Book of Faces, Pin-mania, or any such social media. This time, writing is to be an outlet for me. I need it...things have gotten crazy since I last checked in here...
Hubs and I now have 3 kids, aged 3 and under. (!) We're crazy busy, what with the hubster opening his own business (in retail) and all the stresses/financial hurdles/time constraints that go with that, not to mention living within 20 minutes of ALL of our immediate family, and trying to navigate home-town life when you haven't actually lived here for 10 years or so.
Not that it's all bad, we are in fact, within 20 minutes of all of our family! That means no crazy long road trips and help with the kids! Woot! Plus we have a great church that we're trying to actually participate in, and I've made some awesome mommy friends here. One of whom I met while grocery shopping at Aldi, but that's another story for another day.
Our kids are amazing too. A is, like, crazy responsible for a 3 year old. She takes spectacular care of her siblings and really desires to please us. She is 110% girl, all the time.
Meanwhile, E is wild and crazy, loves to tear through the house and make messes, pick on everyone, and generally act the fool. She makes us laugh every. single. day.
W is the apple of our eye. What would you expect from the a: first boy, b: last male to carry on the family name, and c: bearer of his father's, grandfather's and great-grandfather's name? (He's the fourth in case you lost track there.)
Some days we feel really old and wise, other days we feel like we have no effing clue what we're doing. So...we fake it. All parents are faking it. Just ask your Mom. Go ahead, I'll wait.
...While you make that phone call I'm gonna go clean my house. Hubs' college roommate/best friend/long lost brother is coming tomorrow and my family has been fighting the flu for a month. In case you DON'T have 3 young children and a husband who works crazy hours, let me paint you a picture. Imagine 3 weeks of your laundry and dishes piled up. Now triple that. Now cover the floor with piles of Christmas presents. Now add 2 dogs. That's pretty much where I'm at. So yeah, I'm gonna go get on that.
I'm working on a clever sign-off line. Stay tuned. Er...Good night? Meh...I'll come up with something.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Birth Story is up!
So, maybe I'm running a bit behind but I finally did it! I finished writing up Abbi's birth story and posted it. I back-dated the posts for March of last year to keep things kinda chronological but here are the links if anybody's interested:
The Backstory
Labor- Part 1
Labor- Part 2
Delivery
2 Weeks Later
Note: The only pictures I have from her birthday are in a separate post here.
The Backstory
Labor- Part 1
Labor- Part 2
Delivery
2 Weeks Later
Note: The only pictures I have from her birthday are in a separate post here.
The Big 2-6.
This week I turned 26!! The hubs took a few days off and we spent some nice quality time together walking the beach, cooking together...we even took a day trip to the Kennedy Space Center!
We had a good time, but I gotta say...it wasn't great. I've been to NASA before; my family went when I was younger and I remembered it being really cool. You get to go out on this bus ride and see the building where they assembled the Saturn V rockets that took the Apollo missions to the moon as well as the Space Shuttles that have just recently been retired. Then you get to go actually see a Saturn V rocket laid out showing all the different segments that break off. Annnd....that's about it. The whole center is about going to the moon. And yes! It's really freakin' cool that we sent the first people to the moon and one of our astronauts still holds the record for being on the surface of the moon the longest (75 hrs...what?!) but y'all...that was almost 45 years ago! We've done some pretty amazing things since then. Granted, they're working on an exhibit for the space shuttle Atlantis so that should be pretty cool. But really. Can we talk about all the rovers we've sent to Mars or the International Space Station maybe? I dunno...It was fun but there was some room for improvement. DH and I agreed that we could make that place awesome if they'd put us in charge. =)
The actual control room where they sent off Apollo 11, the one that took Neil Armstrong to the moon.
Still, my birthday was pretty great. Take-out sushi, brownies and ice cream (I'm not a huge cake lover), and the Avengers movie certainly made up for the disappointment at Cape Canaveral.
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One of the things I LOVE about living in FL...all of these awesome places are day trips!!
Still, my birthday was pretty great. Take-out sushi, brownies and ice cream (I'm not a huge cake lover), and the Avengers movie certainly made up for the disappointment at Cape Canaveral.
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DH inside the Gemini shuttle/pod thingy.
And my favorite picture of my favorite future astronaut!
Happy birthday to me!!
Oh! PS...the hubs got me a pretty awesome present!!
So excited y'all. Like, whoa.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
New Perspective
When I started this blog, I thought it would be a good way to keep people updated on our lives as we move around and as our little family grows. Well, it turns out that I feel like I keep everyone pretty well updated...at least as far as I know. What I mean is, every time I post something, I keep thinking to myself, "Why does anybody care? Why would people want to read about my life?". And after I'd post something, I'd just tell my friends and family the same stuff over the phone, so why go to all the trouble?
As it turns out, over the past few days I think I've discovered a new reason for blogging. Not for disseminating information or giving updates...I've decided that I can blog for myself. To keep myself fresh and thoughtful and maybe even a tiny bit academic. You see, being a stay at home mom is kinda my dream job, but y'all...I'm starting to feel really DUMB!. Don't get me wrong; I love hanging out with my little girl, cooking good meals for my family, running errands, and keeping a schedule. But my critical thinking skills have waned, my organization is really suffering, and I'm even noticing that my acute awareness of correct grammar and punctuation is in decline. In short, a lot of the things that made me feel like "me" are going away. I don't know if blogging will help, but I'm willing to give it a shot.
I want to make it a goal to blog every week. I'm thinking that, in order to do this I'll probably be posting sometime between Monday and Wednesday weekly. Pictures may be in short supply for a while, partly because we just got new phones and partly because, well, I'm doing this for me and I don't care if my little journal has pictures. At least not right now. Baby steps, people!!
Ok, as this is my first post in a while, let me do a quick sum-up of where we are in our lives:
~ Baby girl is 10 months old and I can't believe I'm starting to plan her first birthday party. Craziness!
~She's crawling up a storm, "cruising" (walking along and holding onto furniture), and starting to talk. Her first word was "Mama" a couple of weeks ago. Melt my heart! She also waves her hands, claps, and we're working on blowing kisses.
~We're currently living in Jacksonville, FL, but...
~Our new orders have us moving to Richmond, VA in May sometime. We will be there for 1-3 years, depending upon a multitude of factors.
~One of our miniature pinschers (Betty) died suddenly this past May and we have a new pup, a min pin/chihuahua mix named Pebbles.
~We just bought a new car. It's a...wait for it...minivan. Yes, I know. Lame. Wilson and I decided that trying to be cool wasn't worth the extra $$ or shoddy gas mileage. Also, we stopped being cool a long time ago. We're parents now and we accept that. =) We're actually really excited out the van! Trying to come up w/ a good name for her. My Grand Am was named Greta. The new girl is a Honda Odyssey. Olivia maybe? Helen? I dunno....it'll come to me.
If I missed anything that anyone wants to know about, comment and I'll be sure to include it in my next post! See y'all next week!
As it turns out, over the past few days I think I've discovered a new reason for blogging. Not for disseminating information or giving updates...I've decided that I can blog for myself. To keep myself fresh and thoughtful and maybe even a tiny bit academic. You see, being a stay at home mom is kinda my dream job, but y'all...I'm starting to feel really DUMB!. Don't get me wrong; I love hanging out with my little girl, cooking good meals for my family, running errands, and keeping a schedule. But my critical thinking skills have waned, my organization is really suffering, and I'm even noticing that my acute awareness of correct grammar and punctuation is in decline. In short, a lot of the things that made me feel like "me" are going away. I don't know if blogging will help, but I'm willing to give it a shot.
I want to make it a goal to blog every week. I'm thinking that, in order to do this I'll probably be posting sometime between Monday and Wednesday weekly. Pictures may be in short supply for a while, partly because we just got new phones and partly because, well, I'm doing this for me and I don't care if my little journal has pictures. At least not right now. Baby steps, people!!
Ok, as this is my first post in a while, let me do a quick sum-up of where we are in our lives:
~ Baby girl is 10 months old and I can't believe I'm starting to plan her first birthday party. Craziness!
~She's crawling up a storm, "cruising" (walking along and holding onto furniture), and starting to talk. Her first word was "Mama" a couple of weeks ago. Melt my heart! She also waves her hands, claps, and we're working on blowing kisses.
~We're currently living in Jacksonville, FL, but...
~Our new orders have us moving to Richmond, VA in May sometime. We will be there for 1-3 years, depending upon a multitude of factors.
~One of our miniature pinschers (Betty) died suddenly this past May and we have a new pup, a min pin/chihuahua mix named Pebbles.
~We just bought a new car. It's a...wait for it...minivan. Yes, I know. Lame. Wilson and I decided that trying to be cool wasn't worth the extra $$ or shoddy gas mileage. Also, we stopped being cool a long time ago. We're parents now and we accept that. =) We're actually really excited out the van! Trying to come up w/ a good name for her. My Grand Am was named Greta. The new girl is a Honda Odyssey. Olivia maybe? Helen? I dunno....it'll come to me.
If I missed anything that anyone wants to know about, comment and I'll be sure to include it in my next post! See y'all next week!
Friday, April 27, 2012
One Month Old
Wow, I can't believe my baby girl is a month old! Milestones so far:
sleep training shortly. We're already taking baby steps to get ready, like starting a bedtime routine and only letting her nurse to sleep at night. I'm researching options for sleep training now...it's very overwhelming. I will probably combine a few different methods to find what works best for us.
In other news, the hubby left this week for 6 months and we moved to be closer to family. It's been a crazy, emotional time but God has been faithful. We're here at this time because He planned it that way (we certainly didn't!) so we're trusting that He'll get us through. In any case, we're taking everything one day at a time and enjoying watching our little one grow!
- She's smiling and cooing more and more everyday. It's the absolute best!
- ...except for the day she giggled in her sleep! So. Freaking. CUTE!!
- She's going 3-4 hours between feedings. The other night, she went 5 hours! I was in heaven!!
- She's playing by herself for about 10 minutes at a time. She loves her play mat with toys that hang down and sitting in her Bumbo seat.
- Baby acne has reared its ugly head. I am afraid that she will have to contend with these types of skin issues much of her life, if her parents are any indication.
- She loves watching Wilma, our red Miniature Pinscher. I have a few theories as to why she prefers looking at Wilma over Betty: a.) Wilma is very interested in her. b.) Wilma is more active (Betty's kind of a bump on a log.) or c.) Wilma barks at her. (She doesn't understand why this weird looking creature won't just get up and play with her already!!)
In other news, the hubby left this week for 6 months and we moved to be closer to family. It's been a crazy, emotional time but God has been faithful. We're here at this time because He planned it that way (we certainly didn't!) so we're trusting that He'll get us through. In any case, we're taking everything one day at a time and enjoying watching our little one grow!
Not a great picture, but it gives perspective. Granted, it's kind of a small recliner but still...she's about 21 inches long!! (We'll find out for sure next week.)
Abbi's first time at the beach! Looks like she's enjoying herself, doesn't it?
Thanks for all of your love and prayers during this time of transition for us!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
2 Weeks Later...
A few things I've learned:
- The puppies are doing GREAT with Abbi! Wilma really wants to play with her...she'll crouch down and wag her tail and bark. She just wants Abbi to chase her around!! Geez, why can't she MOVE yet?!?!
- Witch Hazel is a girl's best friend! Helps take down swelling when applied topically. It rocks!!
- I kinda feel like a heel asking Wilson to get up and change her diapers at night. But then I remember that I'm up by myself doing everything when he has duty or underways and I get over it. =)
- My girl is growing fast! Her little feet are already to to the ends of her newborn sleep and play outfits. Crazy!
- Cloth diapers + newborn = a whole lot of extra work. We'll be putting those away until she's a bit older and can fit into the one-size-fits-all diapers. We were having to change her diapers every 2 hours around the clock and she was getting rashy. Like I said...we'll try again later.
- I never thought a little person could have so much personality. I find myself laughing the faces she makes every day.
- All in all, we're having a blast with this new phase of life and our newest little addition!
Monday, April 2, 2012
Birthday Pictures!
Daddy holding his girl for the first time...so sweet!
Please don't judge...someone had already put my hairbrush in the car. :-/
Admiring our beautiful girl
I just love this picture! She's so sweet!
Ok, the whole reason for this picture is the looks on mine and Wilson's faces. Haha, we were so excited!!
Pretty dress!
Us with the midwife who delivered Abbi. Her name is Ashley and she was WONDERFUL!!
Stay tuned for the actual birth story...It's coming, I promise. But no pictures unfortunately. Everything went so fast we actually left the camera in the car! All of these pictures are from my mom's camera!! =)
*Update*: The birth story us up! Start here.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Abbi's Birth Story- Delivery
It was time. 6:18am, just me, Wilson, and the midwife, and I was finally allowed to start pushing. I was so ready.
I pushed with each contraction, I stopped when Ashley said to, I cried out a little, I hurt SO much, and then, with a big gush, she was here. At 6:22 am, the midwife placed my baby on my stomach and all I could think was, "Oh my gosh, it's a baby. It's a baby!" Haha, duh, right? Later I would find out that I had torn slightly, but right then, nothing mattered.
Wilson was busy helping the midwife do I don't know what so I had a moment to just rub my baby's little head and clean off her tiny face. I had to actually get Wilson's attention (he was so task saturated he had to be reminded that something monumental had just happened). And then, I lifted the blanket and looked.
"Wilson, it's a girl!"
What a moment. He was the first to call her by her name ("Hi, Abigail!" was what he said. Original, right?) and he took her little hand and immediately fell in love. I was still in too much shock to process anything; my head over heels moment came later when I was nursing her and my milk came in and she was mine. And I would do anything in the world for that little girl.
We just sat there, the three of us, becoming a family. A few minutes later they would cut the cord, deliver the placenta, and I would sit up and begin the road to recovery. I was able to nurse Abbi with very little trouble about 30 minutes after she was born. My mom came in and helped me get a shower, then the midwife and birth assistant (who arrived about 20 minutes after I delivered) did Abbi's newborn assessment: 7lb, 2oz. 21 inches long. Perfect in every way. A full head of brown hair, her daddy's blue eyes, and the prettiest baby any of us had ever seen. The rest of the family got to meet her while I drank my Powerade and had a snack (including a pink cupcake!), and at 10:30am we were in the car heading back home. Four hours after she was born. Incredible.
I took a crazy long nap that afternoon. Bless my dear husband for entertaining our families even though he was exhausted too. Over the next several days, Abbi would sleep mostly in the crook of my arm or on my chest while we got to know each other better. She wasn't a fussy baby; didn't cry much even when she was first born. To this day we always know that if she's crying, there's a reason. She has also always eaten well. My milk came in 2 days after she was born and thankfully we've never had any trouble on that score. I'm still awe-struck that my body provided her with everything she needed to grow and thrive.
New life. What an amazing blessing; God is so good.
I pushed with each contraction, I stopped when Ashley said to, I cried out a little, I hurt SO much, and then, with a big gush, she was here. At 6:22 am, the midwife placed my baby on my stomach and all I could think was, "Oh my gosh, it's a baby. It's a baby!" Haha, duh, right? Later I would find out that I had torn slightly, but right then, nothing mattered.
Wilson was busy helping the midwife do I don't know what so I had a moment to just rub my baby's little head and clean off her tiny face. I had to actually get Wilson's attention (he was so task saturated he had to be reminded that something monumental had just happened). And then, I lifted the blanket and looked.
"Wilson, it's a girl!"
What a moment. He was the first to call her by her name ("Hi, Abigail!" was what he said. Original, right?) and he took her little hand and immediately fell in love. I was still in too much shock to process anything; my head over heels moment came later when I was nursing her and my milk came in and she was mine. And I would do anything in the world for that little girl.
We just sat there, the three of us, becoming a family. A few minutes later they would cut the cord, deliver the placenta, and I would sit up and begin the road to recovery. I was able to nurse Abbi with very little trouble about 30 minutes after she was born. My mom came in and helped me get a shower, then the midwife and birth assistant (who arrived about 20 minutes after I delivered) did Abbi's newborn assessment: 7lb, 2oz. 21 inches long. Perfect in every way. A full head of brown hair, her daddy's blue eyes, and the prettiest baby any of us had ever seen. The rest of the family got to meet her while I drank my Powerade and had a snack (including a pink cupcake!), and at 10:30am we were in the car heading back home. Four hours after she was born. Incredible.
I took a crazy long nap that afternoon. Bless my dear husband for entertaining our families even though he was exhausted too. Over the next several days, Abbi would sleep mostly in the crook of my arm or on my chest while we got to know each other better. She wasn't a fussy baby; didn't cry much even when she was first born. To this day we always know that if she's crying, there's a reason. She has also always eaten well. My milk came in 2 days after she was born and thankfully we've never had any trouble on that score. I'm still awe-struck that my body provided her with everything she needed to grow and thrive.
New life. What an amazing blessing; God is so good.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Abbi's Birth Story- Labor, Part 2
Transition.
The phase that every natural laboring mother dreads. It's the point of no return. Basically, too late for an epidural, contractions overlapping at times, the most strenuous part of labor but blessedly, also the shortest. Typically "transition" is when you go from 7 to 10cm dilated and lasts 45min-1 1/2 hours. Yup...you spend anywhere from 4 to 24 hours going from 3cm to 7 and then...whammo! You get to go the last 3 cm in an hour. It's crazy fun!
It's also where our birth story got a little interesting. To help understand it, let's just remember how we kicked off this labor. A really powerful laxative. So, even before the contractions hit there was some...erm...cramping going on. Well, pretty soon after I not so subtly asked Wilson to take a back seat to this labor process I started feeling that same type of laxative-induced cramping again, along with the contractions. I didn't think much of it. I mean, I'd been having these cramps earlier in the evening so why wouldn't I be having them again? Well, that was all until Ashely, my midwife, strolls in and says in an amazingly sweet and soothing tone,
"So, when you get that urge to push, just try not to. Ok?"
Um...come again? Urge to what? PUSH?? I can't push! I'm only 7cm dilated! Cue freak out moment. My thoughts raced...If I push on a cervix that's not fully dilated, my cervix will swell and stop dilating and I'll need an emergency C-section. I CANNOT PUSH. That became my mental mantra. I cannot push. Whatever happens, no matter what it takes, I absolutely positively cannot push.
Easier said than done. For those of you who've never been through natural labor and felt what the medical community so blithely calls "the urge to push", let me give you a corollary. Bear with me, it's kinda gross. We've all had diarrhea before. You know that uncontrollable feeling that you MUST go RIGHT NOW? I want you to imagine that. Now multiply it times 10. Now...just for kicks....do it again. That's pretty much what it's like. And they're telling me to not bear down. Riiiiigghht... Folks, this is not an "urge" to push. It's a physiological incapability of doing anything else.
So in short, I tried not to push. Wilson and I breathed deeply like they told us to in our birth classes and it just wasn't working. And every time that little push broke through my deep breaths, I panicked a little. Then my brilliant midwife came to my rescue again. She said "Honey, try to breathe efffs." So we did. With every contraction, Wilson and I held hands and said "Ffffffffffffffff" over and over again. I remember sitting in the bathtub (which was a monumental help, btw. Seriously), staring at the grout in between the tiles on the wall. There was one intersection of grout that I squinted at and focused all my "fffffffff"s on. And so it went. As best I remember I succeeded in resisting the urge to push about 2/3 to 3/4 of the time. Not too shabby.
At this point, my contractions had 30 seconds or less time between them. Every once in a while one would start before the previous one had finished. I can honestly say that I don't remember much pain during this time. It was just so incredibly intense. I find I'm clenching my jaw and getting a little headache as I type this, remembering how intense it was.
I don't know how she decided it was time, but at about 6am, before the birth assistant had arrived, the midwife wanted to check me and see how dilated I was. I opted to let her check me out of the tub for more accuracy. Getting from the tub to the bed was an ordeal (remember...still no time between contractions) and right as I was sitting down, I felt something. I remember thinking clearly, "I don't know if I just peed or if my water broke." Of course, in my present state of mind, all I could actually say aloud was, "I don't know." Haha, real helpful. And then...it felt like I was suddenly trying to hold a ball between my knees. Something was THERE. So I said, "Something's there!". Ashley was trying to get me to lay back so she could check me but I was still contracting and wanted to lean forward, so she reached up and pushed me back against the bed. And then she said the magic words.
"You're 10 centimeters."
I said, "I am? Can I push?"
"Go ahead and push."
Oh man, was I ever ready to push. It was just me, the midwife, and Wilson, and I was about to have a baby.
The phase that every natural laboring mother dreads. It's the point of no return. Basically, too late for an epidural, contractions overlapping at times, the most strenuous part of labor but blessedly, also the shortest. Typically "transition" is when you go from 7 to 10cm dilated and lasts 45min-1 1/2 hours. Yup...you spend anywhere from 4 to 24 hours going from 3cm to 7 and then...whammo! You get to go the last 3 cm in an hour. It's crazy fun!
It's also where our birth story got a little interesting. To help understand it, let's just remember how we kicked off this labor. A really powerful laxative. So, even before the contractions hit there was some...erm...cramping going on. Well, pretty soon after I not so subtly asked Wilson to take a back seat to this labor process I started feeling that same type of laxative-induced cramping again, along with the contractions. I didn't think much of it. I mean, I'd been having these cramps earlier in the evening so why wouldn't I be having them again? Well, that was all until Ashely, my midwife, strolls in and says in an amazingly sweet and soothing tone,
"So, when you get that urge to push, just try not to. Ok?"
Um...come again? Urge to what? PUSH?? I can't push! I'm only 7cm dilated! Cue freak out moment. My thoughts raced...If I push on a cervix that's not fully dilated, my cervix will swell and stop dilating and I'll need an emergency C-section. I CANNOT PUSH. That became my mental mantra. I cannot push. Whatever happens, no matter what it takes, I absolutely positively cannot push.
Easier said than done. For those of you who've never been through natural labor and felt what the medical community so blithely calls "the urge to push", let me give you a corollary. Bear with me, it's kinda gross. We've all had diarrhea before. You know that uncontrollable feeling that you MUST go RIGHT NOW? I want you to imagine that. Now multiply it times 10. Now...just for kicks....do it again. That's pretty much what it's like. And they're telling me to not bear down. Riiiiigghht... Folks, this is not an "urge" to push. It's a physiological incapability of doing anything else.
So in short, I tried not to push. Wilson and I breathed deeply like they told us to in our birth classes and it just wasn't working. And every time that little push broke through my deep breaths, I panicked a little. Then my brilliant midwife came to my rescue again. She said "Honey, try to breathe efffs." So we did. With every contraction, Wilson and I held hands and said "Ffffffffffffffff" over and over again. I remember sitting in the bathtub (which was a monumental help, btw. Seriously), staring at the grout in between the tiles on the wall. There was one intersection of grout that I squinted at and focused all my "fffffffff"s on. And so it went. As best I remember I succeeded in resisting the urge to push about 2/3 to 3/4 of the time. Not too shabby.
At this point, my contractions had 30 seconds or less time between them. Every once in a while one would start before the previous one had finished. I can honestly say that I don't remember much pain during this time. It was just so incredibly intense. I find I'm clenching my jaw and getting a little headache as I type this, remembering how intense it was.
I don't know how she decided it was time, but at about 6am, before the birth assistant had arrived, the midwife wanted to check me and see how dilated I was. I opted to let her check me out of the tub for more accuracy. Getting from the tub to the bed was an ordeal (remember...still no time between contractions) and right as I was sitting down, I felt something. I remember thinking clearly, "I don't know if I just peed or if my water broke." Of course, in my present state of mind, all I could actually say aloud was, "I don't know." Haha, real helpful. And then...it felt like I was suddenly trying to hold a ball between my knees. Something was THERE. So I said, "Something's there!". Ashley was trying to get me to lay back so she could check me but I was still contracting and wanted to lean forward, so she reached up and pushed me back against the bed. And then she said the magic words.
"You're 10 centimeters."
I said, "I am? Can I push?"
"Go ahead and push."
Oh man, was I ever ready to push. It was just me, the midwife, and Wilson, and I was about to have a baby.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Abbi's Birth Story-Labor, Part 1
See The Backstory here.
Ok, so we got home with the *blech* castor oil and I began googling recipes. The tricky part of this is adding enough to the 2oz you have to take to make it taste good while still remembering that you have to actually drink it. All of it. The best way, in my opinion, is to mix it into a small smoothie. 1/2 banana, strawberry daiquiri base (no alcohol), the castor oil, and ice...I couldn't even taste it. Awesome!
That was at 6pm. By 7 or 7:30 I was completely miserable. By 8:30pm my contractions were a minute long, 4-5 minutes apart. So, we decided to go for a walk to see if we could keep things going/speed things along. We walked for about 30 minutes and by the time we got back the contractions were a minute to a minute and a half long, 3-4 minutes apart. I ate something, watched some TV, and just chilled out. At this point, nothing really hurt. I mean, the Braxton-Hicks practice contractions I had been having for months just feel like my tummy was tightening. No pain at all. These contractions kinda hurt...they got my attention but didn't make me catch my breath. Make sense?
Anywho, the contractions stayed the same for a while, gradually getting down to 1 minute long, 2-3 minutes apart but not really any stronger. So I decided to lay down at around 1am to get a little sleep. At 2am I woke up bolt upright. This contraction hurt. After another one I got up and got into the shower. I decided to let Wilson sleep (he hadn't slept in weeks because he was so stressed waiting for the baby)...yeah, that lasted for about 15 minutes. I got him up and started leaning on him and vocalizing through the contractions. By 2:30 we decided to call the midwife and see if she thought it was time to come in to the birth center. She told us to come on in and she'd check me and see if I was far enough along to stay (they want you to be at least 4cm dilated).
I don't remember much about the car ride. I had my eyes closed pretty much all the time at this point and just wanted Wilson to stand next to me or hold my hand and talk. It really didn't matter what he said; I just needed to pay attention to something other than the labor. I'm pretty sure all he said from 2 to 6am was "Slow, deep breaths", "Just breathe", and "You're doing great, Babe". Funny thing about labor...when you see women not making a lot of sense and such you assume that they aren't thinking clearly, right? Well, for me anyway, I was actually thinking pretty clearly. Decision making was difficult but I could totally form complete thoughts. I just couldn't articulate them. For instance, at one point Wilson was talking too loud so I wanted to ask him to be quieter. But I still wanted him to talk to me. So I said "Shhh!" and then, not 3 seconds later, "Talk!". I wanted to say "Not so loud" or something, but I couldn't formulate the words. Weird, huh?
Anyway, we got to the birth center at 3:30am. The midwife, Ashley, checked me and said I was "3-4cm dilated". She wanted me to stay for an hour or so, re-check me, and then "decide whether or not to send me back home". I was devastated. I couldn't imagine going back home at this point. She wanted me to walk in between contractions; I could only make it about 3 steps before having to sit down to make it through another contraction. They were right on top of each other!!
Apparently there were two possible reasons my contractions were so fast and furious only 8 hrs into my labor: the castor oil (obvious solution) or the baby being posterior, or sunny side up. The midwife wanted to rule out the posterior option so she had me get on all fours for a couple of contractions. Wowza. That was crazy uncomfortable. All I wanted to do was sit through a contraction with my hands or elbows on my knees. Getting up on all fours was suuuper uncomfortable for me. But I did it and nothing changed so she agreed that I was in active labor and should stay.
Time flew by at this point. Wilson had called our families and I was just getting through each contraction, one at a time. I don't remember needing much coaching other than the midwife reminding me not to clench my hands. I was praying between and through the contractions though. I had spent a lot of time preparing my mind and heart for this moment. My main concerns were:
1. For a safe labor and delivery for me and the baby
2. For an efficient labor and delivery that was as painless as a natural labor could be, and
3. That I would honor my husband throughout the process
I really didn't want to look back on this moment and remember screaming unspeakable things to this man that I had pledged to love and respect. That was very important to me and I can honestly say that I looked to him for support and he showed up 100%. He was incredible.
Sometime around 5am I was going through a contraction with Wilson right where he had been for every other contraction, squatting in front of me with his hands on my knees speaking encouragement to me. It hit me: I didn't want him touching me. I very swiftly pushed his hands away and he got up and sat down in a chair a few feet away from me. (Come to find out, he was really relieved to get a reprieve at this point!) I immediately started apologizing in my confused half-sentences. I guess he understood. I felt really bad but I just didn't want him right there anymore. The midwife saw it and offered to start the jacuzzi for me. Turns out, I had hit Transition and the fun was really beginning!
Ok, so we got home with the *blech* castor oil and I began googling recipes. The tricky part of this is adding enough to the 2oz you have to take to make it taste good while still remembering that you have to actually drink it. All of it. The best way, in my opinion, is to mix it into a small smoothie. 1/2 banana, strawberry daiquiri base (no alcohol), the castor oil, and ice...I couldn't even taste it. Awesome!
That was at 6pm. By 7 or 7:30 I was completely miserable. By 8:30pm my contractions were a minute long, 4-5 minutes apart. So, we decided to go for a walk to see if we could keep things going/speed things along. We walked for about 30 minutes and by the time we got back the contractions were a minute to a minute and a half long, 3-4 minutes apart. I ate something, watched some TV, and just chilled out. At this point, nothing really hurt. I mean, the Braxton-Hicks practice contractions I had been having for months just feel like my tummy was tightening. No pain at all. These contractions kinda hurt...they got my attention but didn't make me catch my breath. Make sense?
Anywho, the contractions stayed the same for a while, gradually getting down to 1 minute long, 2-3 minutes apart but not really any stronger. So I decided to lay down at around 1am to get a little sleep. At 2am I woke up bolt upright. This contraction hurt. After another one I got up and got into the shower. I decided to let Wilson sleep (he hadn't slept in weeks because he was so stressed waiting for the baby)...yeah, that lasted for about 15 minutes. I got him up and started leaning on him and vocalizing through the contractions. By 2:30 we decided to call the midwife and see if she thought it was time to come in to the birth center. She told us to come on in and she'd check me and see if I was far enough along to stay (they want you to be at least 4cm dilated).
I don't remember much about the car ride. I had my eyes closed pretty much all the time at this point and just wanted Wilson to stand next to me or hold my hand and talk. It really didn't matter what he said; I just needed to pay attention to something other than the labor. I'm pretty sure all he said from 2 to 6am was "Slow, deep breaths", "Just breathe", and "You're doing great, Babe". Funny thing about labor...when you see women not making a lot of sense and such you assume that they aren't thinking clearly, right? Well, for me anyway, I was actually thinking pretty clearly. Decision making was difficult but I could totally form complete thoughts. I just couldn't articulate them. For instance, at one point Wilson was talking too loud so I wanted to ask him to be quieter. But I still wanted him to talk to me. So I said "Shhh!" and then, not 3 seconds later, "Talk!". I wanted to say "Not so loud" or something, but I couldn't formulate the words. Weird, huh?
Anyway, we got to the birth center at 3:30am. The midwife, Ashley, checked me and said I was "3-4cm dilated". She wanted me to stay for an hour or so, re-check me, and then "decide whether or not to send me back home". I was devastated. I couldn't imagine going back home at this point. She wanted me to walk in between contractions; I could only make it about 3 steps before having to sit down to make it through another contraction. They were right on top of each other!!
Apparently there were two possible reasons my contractions were so fast and furious only 8 hrs into my labor: the castor oil (obvious solution) or the baby being posterior, or sunny side up. The midwife wanted to rule out the posterior option so she had me get on all fours for a couple of contractions. Wowza. That was crazy uncomfortable. All I wanted to do was sit through a contraction with my hands or elbows on my knees. Getting up on all fours was suuuper uncomfortable for me. But I did it and nothing changed so she agreed that I was in active labor and should stay.
Time flew by at this point. Wilson had called our families and I was just getting through each contraction, one at a time. I don't remember needing much coaching other than the midwife reminding me not to clench my hands. I was praying between and through the contractions though. I had spent a lot of time preparing my mind and heart for this moment. My main concerns were:
1. For a safe labor and delivery for me and the baby
2. For an efficient labor and delivery that was as painless as a natural labor could be, and
3. That I would honor my husband throughout the process
I really didn't want to look back on this moment and remember screaming unspeakable things to this man that I had pledged to love and respect. That was very important to me and I can honestly say that I looked to him for support and he showed up 100%. He was incredible.
Sometime around 5am I was going through a contraction with Wilson right where he had been for every other contraction, squatting in front of me with his hands on my knees speaking encouragement to me. It hit me: I didn't want him touching me. I very swiftly pushed his hands away and he got up and sat down in a chair a few feet away from me. (Come to find out, he was really relieved to get a reprieve at this point!) I immediately started apologizing in my confused half-sentences. I guess he understood. I felt really bad but I just didn't want him right there anymore. The midwife saw it and offered to start the jacuzzi for me. Turns out, I had hit Transition and the fun was really beginning!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Abbi's Birth Story- The Backstory
So, I was 2 weeks overdue. Yeah. It sucked. Wilson and I were super impatient and stressed. We were doing EVERYTHING you've ever heard of to bring on labor...and some stuff you haven't heard of. The common stuff:
The downside of this is it's a pretty...um...violent way of inducing labor. It's also not super comfortable and can cause dehydration so they don't recommend you try it until the last. possible. moment. Well, we were there, so after the midwife appointment Wilson went into Walgreen's and got me some *gag* castor oil and we went home, hoping to meet our baby soon.
Next up...Labor and Delivery!
- Walking (I gave myself shin splints, bruised my foot, and got multiple blisters in the month prior to going into labor.)
- "Quality time" with the husband...yeah, you know what I mean.
- Sitting on the birthing ball (basically just one of those exercise balls you see women at the gym using.)
- Using the breast pump
- Jogging (see first point) (Also, I'm pretty sure my neighbors were laughing behind their curtains at the hugely pregnant woman running through the neighborhood.)
- Bumpy car rides. I'm pretty sure Wilson found every. single. speed bump. in. Jacksonville... Seriously.
- Eating spicy, greasy food. Besides making me feel like a fat slob, this did nothing.
- Taking Evening Primrose Oil. It's supposed to ripen the cervix in preparation for labor.
- Taking Red Raspberry Leaf supplements. It supposedly strengthens the uterus to help labor go more quickly and smoothly.
- Acupuncture. Yeah, I did this. It's a little weird and all but I figured, hey, what's it gonna hurt? Well, it did hurt a little and certainly didn't bring on labor so whatever.
- Taking a laxative.
- Sitting on a heating pad to bring extra bloodflow to that general area of my body.
- Drinking a half glass of wine and taking a hot bath. Random woman on the internet #4,782 said it put her into labor so I tried it. Nothing.
The downside of this is it's a pretty...um...violent way of inducing labor. It's also not super comfortable and can cause dehydration so they don't recommend you try it until the last. possible. moment. Well, we were there, so after the midwife appointment Wilson went into Walgreen's and got me some *gag* castor oil and we went home, hoping to meet our baby soon.
Next up...Labor and Delivery!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
She's Here!
Stay tuned for her birth story...
*Update*: The birth story is up! Start here.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
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